old poem needs new tricks

so i had a very recent poem i was hoping to post on here soon... and then i stumbled upon this and i need help. i wrote it a few years ago, but workshopped it for the first time this week. after some minor revision, i thought i'd bring it to the table (or bar, as it may be more appropriate for this group). i'll let you all read it first, and list my specific questions at the end of the post. it's a very dear poem to me, and any feedback you all can give me would be so appreciated. i value each and every one of your opinions so much...

Love, Mom

June—you watch lavender gowns
sway down rose petal aisles,
dream of the five who will wear them
when someday you follow
wearing white, carrying my love
in diamond studs, his
love in rings.

That June, he will know every inch
of you, but never know me beyond
your diamond ears he kisses,
lace he unbuttons revealing
a garter strung to match
lavender dresses I chose
for your maids when

it was January. You were fifteen
in my hospital room,
bouquets of flowers, glass
vases on frosted windowsill, your hand
in mine, fingers traced cold
lavender veins up and down my
arms as I wrote out last words,
wedding plans, love,
breath.


questions: is the chronology confusing? i just like the poem so much as is, but it goes present, future, past. does that work? can i do something to make it work better? is the use of June, June, January effective? i just added January, does it help? hinder? is it doing anything? gosh, i don't know... where do i need clarity, to add, to subtract... i don't know where to go with it, help me...

a note from the cap'n

(Our Cap'n replied to an email of mine today and asked me to share this with you all...)

I'm really sorry everyone about not writing in the blog. I have been unbelievably swamped this semester. Wow. It's a good thing I love doing this or I'd be in the madhouse. My not writing doesn't mean a thing other than I am the one missing out. Here's wishing you all the best. And how about that Phil and his award winning story!!!!
Jack

(p.s. Phil and his award winning story?!? What is this all about Phil??)

dps meeting!

for those of you who missed or have since forgotten kyle del's earlier post... i'm reminding you!!

this wednesday, oct 20th there will be a dps meeting at the brewery. that's right, the crazy poets are making an appearance at stein night. i'm taking my free absences from grad classes. kyle del will be in from new york. willie is coming in from minnesota (and is leaving in less than a month for new zealand! so this is a last chance to buy the kid a drink for awhile!). i hear a rumor that matt nickel might even be making it in... (i hope so matt!) so i expect all you still-in-holland folk to show up. and the rest of you should get your butts in a car and drive out. somewhere between 9:30-10pm. bring a stein. bring poems. someone bring jack. i'm counting down the days. can't wait to see you all.

Christmas 2004 Chapbook X Change

Okay Drunk poets (and I guess now, sexy poets) we need to talk about chapbooks.

A few of us were thinking of putting together chapbooks for christmas time and I love the idea still but we need to keep on the ball.

So I propose we institute a schedual for ourselves:
By midnight on November 15th we bring together between 5 and 10 poems that we intend on putting in our chapbook.

Also, if you are a poet who would like to participate email your mailing address to me at matthewnickel@hotmail.com then I will forward everyones email and mailing address to everyone for the final mailling.

And on Drew's suggestion, we should do a secret santa where we send a wacky salvaged item for last minute inspiration for poems before christmas based on interested parties.

I need drunk poet help!

My dear drunk and poetic friends,
In the massive amounts of spare time that I have had recently between managing a new winery (with only two employees other than myself), make wine, study wine at schoolcraft culinary school, write poetry (which of course is rocky lately), clean up and furnish my new apartment (it rocks, poets are welcome to get drunk and write there), organize and advertize the grand opening (a story in four newspapers, mass mailings, catering, ads in 5 papers, an appearence in support of a local politian (privately labeled wine too) and a television appearence on local cable for "Who's in the Kitchen?"), and of course trying to keep a social life (my goldfish and I love blockbuster movies and are thinking about buying an XBox!) I have taken on another new endevor.

I am starting a website about wine that targets young people. Of course there will be the stuff like reviews or wine and restaurants, wine tastings, general knowlege of wine etc etc etc. But i have a problem (other than the help i need drinking the 350 bottles of wine in my apartment, some that is rather old and needs to be drunk before is goes bad, and this boy don't have no dates to share it with): I NEED A NAME. Something wine-like but simple. Something fun but not goofy. Something sophisticated but not pretentious.

I am still working on the site, but when it is up i will send a link. until then, here is some inspiration that I aspire to:
http://www.jamieoliver.com/food/wine/
http://www.swirlwinenews.com/
http://www.avecrestaurant.com/index.php
http://www.750-ml.com/main.html

And the winner will of course recieve a free bottle of wine. (You may have to come and pick it up though. Mailing wine is a tricky ordeal.)

Peace, love, and wine,
Matt