Lets Make This a Don't Ask / Don't Tell Poem

Materialism

After Kelly left me for a MAN
with a REAL job, I bought
a food processor.

When Jessica said I sucked
I found a used vaccum.

Erin wrote "loser" on my forehead,
moved out in the middle
of the night, so I looked
for a garbage desposal.

Sally cheated an accountant,
so I bought a block of knives
from a late night commercial.

Martha threw stuff at me, which
I had to replace, the candles on the table,
my favorite VHS movie, and the window
the fire poker went through.

Molly said I was too nice, that she
felt I patronized her when I showed
affection, so I erected a statue
in the backyard for her.

Denise said there were too many
ghosts in my closet so I found
a great organizer on sale.

Kristina said I needed a spiritual life
so I bought copy of the "I Ching."

Beth said I needed a heart, so
I adopted a cat.

Amiee hated the cat,
and I wouldn't give up "Lucy"
so I decided to buy her a new
set of dishes, Lucy that is.

Tricia said I was perfect
as I was, so I bought
a new house.