Monday, August 09, 2004

Summer poem...

ktb - this is an AWESOME idea! I love you all!
So this has not exactly been a summer of inspired, fantastic poetry-- really of poetry at all. This is probably the only thing I've written that I'd even share with anyone - but since we're kindred spirits I know I can trust you! :) Feedback and comments are more than welcome! I'm not sure if I like the beginning, it doesn't exactly fit with the end, but the poem was originally going somewhere else, you know...

Eros knows
when I need to shed
a few. Heartbreak
diet is a guaranteed weight-
loss program. Once
I dismissed ten lbs. in only
two weeks! The only side effect
is a few weeks of misery: gut-
wrenching sobs that leave
incurable headaches and unattractive,
sticky skin. Step one: find
extremely attractive, smooth-talking
man and fall head-over-feet in crazy,
pick-up and follow him across-
the-country love. Step two: find
aforementioned man in bed with
sister, or something equally
devastating. Step three: find
yourself alone, squeezing a wet
pillow and repeat the mantra
"I love him" between sobs.

Congratulations! You are too
emotionally sick to eat or
sleep and the weight comes
melting off.

2 Comments:

Blogger KTB said...

siddie, i'm so glad you've joined the posting! happy happy day. ok, my very favorite part about this poem: "fall head-over-feet in crazy, pick-up and follow him across-the-country love". who DOESN'T want that kind of love?! that is the most fabulous description in pure sidra fashion.

i agree with your hesitation on the ending, it's just not quite right. feels like you wrote yourself out of the poem. call me crazy, but i feel like this poem might stand as really funny as a fairly short poem. like, making the title something like "heartbreak diet: guaranteed weight loss program" and them making the entire poem start with "step one" and ending after the "step three". maybe even make it three stanzas to space it out. i think the rest is inferred, and just this little bit is quirky and funny and intelligent and doesn't need all the explanation. give your reader the chance to fill in the rest, it's already there.

love you siddie! more please, more! :)

1:21 AM | Permalink  
Blogger *k maria** said...

siddie,

hi friend :)

i agree with kate - i'd love to see this as a short poem, with the three steps. Maybe throw the first lines "Eros knows when i need to shed a few" up as a title and see what happens.

it's such a heartbreaking poem - so broken along with all of us as we try to figure this whole thing out. i sink with that wet pillow, and want to hug the girl in this poem, make her see that she is beautiful. because she is. we all know it. no matter what anyone tells her.

"Just being there. This is what the whole thing is about." (Stafford...such wise words).

9:35 PM | Permalink  

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