Thursday, September 15, 2005

out of a sad time...

comes this. give this a read, give me feedback. i want this to grow as a poem, but i'm too close to it right now. feedback would be very helpful right now. thanks.
p.s. this is the first poem i've written on a napkin in a long time...

I left it in the
Diner booth
Our last cup of coffee

Two eggs-scrambled-
home frieds and toast, half
eaten. The Regulars
filter in as the coffee

The wall mirror tells me
that I hunch. I sit

Everyone here wishes
they were someplace else.

In a moment, you will
step out of the country
but my feet will
remain planted under
this table where I
will ask for a warm-
up and two more creamer.


Blogger KTB said...

kyle it's lovely. simple. complex. heart-breaking.

i wish i could give you some real feedback, but...

all i can get at is the title, keep "I left it in the Diner booth" on one line. and I don't think Diner needs to be in caps. and the end, i want "more" to be a line break, put creamer on the next line. i'm not positive about having "creamer" as its own line, but i really want that line break after "more".

i can't say anything else. it's just lovely...

11:42 PM | Permalink  

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