Friday, July 08, 2005

high hopes, false starts

A first draft (what had to be expressed, you know how it goes). Feel free to point out what's not clear. I've noticed my poetry has become more...expository? Though it's always had a bit of that bend. I don't want to lose images, but then, these moments needed telling more than they needed illustrating for now. I feel like there's either a section missing, or that this is two poems. I don't want to kill the darlings just yet.

I'm not sorry there's nothing to save.

Perhaps there is still redemption.
Tonight, you fall asleep in another
time zone, and I remain in your future.

There are fears I can’t name. I want to tell you
I need you by my side, but I have only
just learned your last name. We kissed

under the stars on the shore of Lake Michigan,
but a kiss is no mere indulgence these days.
My mother asked if you were a believer.

I told her I believe
I want to bring you home,
because your sins

are only the same as I've hidden
from her all these years.
I spoke to you in Spanish, pressed up

against the edges of our borders.
Your response, quick and fluent,
surprised us both. Before, you claimed

discomfort with our parents’ tongue.
I am waiting on this precipice for your holy
fire to anoint me, and I will speak again in tongues.


Blogger ziegenhagen said...

I love it Mer...the ending is gripping. I found it both haunting, and wonderfully romantic. I would play with the second stanza a bit, it felt forced and a bit awkward to me...but I loved the juxtaposed first line and the works well. It is subtle, but if you take the time to notice it, it is powerful. Anyway, I think you have a very good start here. I like it.

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