Wednesday, September 08, 2004

as always, I'm a few steps behind

Well hello all. This is Meridith and I found this blog earlier in the summer and meant to join, and between yesterday's stellar representation by Dan in the Sentinel, and an email from Katie reinviting me (don't remember receiving the first one, sorry!)....well, yes, here I am. And it's encouraging to join this space again. It's not quite like meeting in the Dungeon, but appropriate for our lives now.

I've talked to most of you on and off, but for the requisite life update: I was in town for the summer, attending the wedding circuit, trying to prepare for a move down South, eventually breaking my foot. Yes, so, you all of my recently graduated friends: purchase health insurance. I am still in Holland, working for now, and happily TAing for Dr. Trembley's 254 course. I am living in my dad's basement with my kitten and a walk-in closet crammed with books (and that special shelf of 455 chapbooks). I've stopped kicking and screaming about being here and instead I'm lighting candles and writing poetry and trying to make the best of this time, of this place. It's what I'm given now.

(and as I write, I just heard my voice again on the old id for WTHS...a strange confirmation of my presence in this town?)

I am finally, finally getting my act together for submissions to literary magazines (that's the first project this fall, then grad school apps). I'd like to leave a few lines here--this is my most recent work:


Abuelito will not return
to see his mother
buried in Santiago.
He already regrets

the visit two years
ago, when the mango
began to grow
under the skin of her neck.

In his nightmares, he still sees
the way her head tilted,
a forced question
no one could answer.


Blogger KTB said...

ah mer, so glad to have you. :) as far as sending things to literary mags, see my post about oyez and you should send stuff in. the deadline is creeping up, but we have yet to come across any great poetry in our reviewing, so you should send some. :)

and as for this poem, i love your ability to say so much in such short pieces. the first stanza break is fabulous, the word 'regrets' at the end of that line, and even moreso the stanza! it makes me sit on the word, feel the regret. good good choice. and the mango... such a sweet and juicy and unusual image. i love it.

i feel like something is missing though. like there should be one more stanza. and i'm not sure if it belongs before or after the last stanza you have here. your first stanza break is just so strong, and that mango so fabulous. i feel the last two stanzas (one of which does not exist as of yet!) should follow a similar pattern, where the punctuation allows the reader to put them together. call it a silly need for symmetry, i don't know. i just sense something missing.

what if...
'In his nightmares, he still sees
the way her head tilted,
(further description here)
a forced question

no one could answer.'
(three more fabulous lines here)

'question' is so well intertwined with thoughts of death, so much confusion. it would be a great line/stanza break, equally as strong as "regret". and that inserted line in stanza 3 could further describe the mother, her thinning gray hair, wrinkled forehead, lazy eye... something unusual and specific.

just some initial thoughts and suggestions. i love what you've got going here. i've missed your poems.

1:12 AM | Permalink  

Post a Comment

<< Home