Tuesday, August 10, 2004

rainy day, rainy poems

...i figured it was about time i posted an actual poem. Like kate's, it's one of the only "poems" i've written all summer. first draft, stream of consciousness, you know the deal.

going home early

i want to love you until my feet grow cold, until the rivers in my eyes pool at my ankles, rivulets through my toes. i want to tie all that we're afraid of up in a ball, hang it over my bed, sleep beneath it because it'll be away from our hands, my hands that reach for yours when you're drunk. i said i love you, but i'll say it again in the morning, when our faces are both clear of the wooden tables we hide beneath. i could hug you until i felt it, felt you folding into my heartbeat, felt your fears leave you physically, like me walking away when i can't face you, can't face the cigarette in your hand, can't face the kiss you leave me with (won't remember in the morning.) but i'll run by your street when i wake up, hate the way i feel cold in the rain, hate the way rain sticks to my face when i think of you, of all the days we should have already spent wisely facing this world together. i want to talk to you about five years old, before we were afraid, before we were here, before i could smell alcohol on my breath because i stood too close to you in the rain.


Blogger KTB said...

ah my karen s... i remember when you wrote this and i remember when you let me read it and i remember all the nights that contributed to it and all the nights later we talked about it and... sigh.

favorite line: "before i could smell alcohol on my breathe because i stood too close to you in the rain". hello! talk about a fabulous line!

things i'm unsure of: "clear of the wooden tables we hide beneath". not so sure about these tables. i love "but i'll say it again in the morning when..." but i'm just not sure about the wooden tables. you'll say it again when he's sober, but i feel like it should be clearer here that you already are. i know it, but an outside reader might not. and i feel like there could be something stronger than a wooden table. he's hiding behind the alcohol, you're hiding behind...

i'm getting stuck on "i could hug you until i felt it". not sure why. maybe the jump back to present from past tense? maybe because the sentence is so long until you get to the "but". i love everything in between, don't get me wrong! maybe it's the "could" paired with "felt". maybe if it were "feel" instead.

here's a thought. what if the title was "going home sober" instead? then it would be unmistakably clear that you're sober and he's not and that is the wall between you.

it's beautiful roomie. i feel that rainy night...

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