Wednesday, August 18, 2004

Drunken Debacle: Saturday Night 8/14/04

We started off at an Allston bar called The Siloutte Cocktail Louge, that despite the glamorous title was a dive with a couple of townie drunks and an emo English gal that worked the tables and tended the bar. She was wanting to get home to England to meet her new nephew and we were wanting to get good and drunk and forget (or perhaps just not remember?) our week. We got our wish, I don't think she got hers. The Green Mountain Boys - some guys from Vt: Dunky (renamed Drunky for obvious reasons and Corey renamed CoCo for no apparent reason) - and I camped out there from 6 p.m. to 8 p.m. and imbibed several cheap pictures of Busch light while entertaining ourselves by watching John (the Boston Marlboro distributor) beat people with disabilities at pool. I have to say Kenny in the Wheelchair took him to the eightball, which was far better than the developmentally disabled redneck(they're called people from New Hampshire here) with a limited number of teeth that could stand on his own.

After a good start therere we cabbed it to Cambridge's Central Square and The Phoenix Landing, a hookup bar where they play classic rock and lecherous women and dirty frat guys dance to the music and grind in a nasty, nasty way after 11 p.m. We got there by 9-9:30 p.m. so we could avoid all of that. Of course we stayed until closting at 2 a.m. Anyway, fifteen minutes and three more beers each into our visit CoCo turns to me and says longingly, "that girl is beautiful ..." She was a lanky, skanky blond with a cowboy hat - which in Cambridge screams for attention louder than a conservative ph.d. I told CoCo, "go talk to her, tell her you lived in Houston and you like the Cowboy hat ..." CoCo refused, so I handed him my beer and told him I'd be back in a few. I met Cowgirl hat - her name was Tami and she was from Marshfield, an ungodly hour and a half drive away - she came with her "jerkoff" co-worker a guy who will remain unnamed. He was male menstruating and had no interest in talking to me, CoCo, Drunky or Tami for that matter once we met him.

To make a long story short, CoCo started angling in on Tami once I cut her loose, he was interested, she was not. Drunky and I could see this, CoCo could not. He tried until 4 a.m. by teaching her guitar chords (she only learned E minor) but nothing came of it and I found her passed out on my loveseat with Drunky's girlfriend's nice wool afghan covering her face around 9:30 a.m.. She looked older and dirtier in the light. I gave her a ride to Sommerville, then to Medford, where she knew how to find a friend's house based on the location of Kappy's Discount Liqour's (off of Rt. 16). She told me on the ride home that she was married. Once home I found out that she prepositioned Drunky to jump in on a threesome with him and his girlfriend, provided - in her words - "do you think your girlfriend would mind if I jumped in bed with you two?"

Later, we concluded that women with Cowboy hats on in New England are looking for something and what they're looking for can't be good.

Well, now to introduce myself: I'm Drew. I went to Hope.I'm 24 years old. I'm living it up (or is it down?) in Boston. I've dealt with bitter New Englanders (see Salem Witch trials, see The Scarlet Letter, see The Crucible, see Mystic River, see Let's Go: Boston) for the past two years, so please feel free to comment on my poetry and/or debauchery. My skin's grown thick through the cold unwelcomes I've received here I can take some criticism. That said, there's no reason to be a jerk or phony about it if you do decide to comment. Have a great day and feel free to email me.

Later,

Drew

1 Comments:

Blogger Daniel said...

Wow dude, I don't know wether to laugh out loud or hate the world. Right now, I'm laughing.

What really struck me was how poetic this is. Thanks for this, and welcome to the DPS.

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